Break the Day Page 17

  him. And if anything should happen to her because of him. . . .

  Guilt stabbed him at the thought.

  Ah, Christ. This was a mistake.

  “Enough,” he uttered. When she didn’t immediately stop, he ground out a tight curse. “Enough.”

  Her tongue swept over the punctures she’d made, sealing them closed. “Rafe, did I—” She took a hesitant breath, stil nuzzled beneath his chin.

  “I’m sorry . . .”

  He snarled at the sound of her uncertain apology. “No,” he said, stroking her hair. “Shit. It’s not . . . it’s nothing you did wrong. Don’t think that.”

  “Then why do I feel like it is?” She pul ed back and stared at him, confusion and pain swimming in her molten eyes.

  He could hardly hold her wounded gaze. “Fuck.”

  Some pitiful part of him wanted nothing more than to get out of the tub and make his escape before he hurt her any more. But desire stil beat

  through her veins, hot and uncontained. He couldn’t heap more rejection on top of the regret he’d already caused them both.

  She didn’t resist when he drew her close and covered her mouth with his.

  The blood bond had its tethers wrapped around them both.

  Rafe kissed her slowly, deeply. Her need coiled quickly, out of her control. The anguished sound she made nearly kil ed him. On a harsh curse, he flipped her over and onto her knees in the water and thrust into her from behind.

  He couldn’t look into her eyes while his remorse had him clenched in cold talons.

  But he could give her pleasure.

  She rocked against him, overcome by the intensity of their bond. That was the irony of it right now. No matter how unworthy he knew himself to be, their connection couldn’t be denied.

  When Devony let go a scream and convulsed with the explosion of a ferocious orgasm a few moments later, he col ected her against him and

  fol owed her right into that fire.

  CHAPTER 22

  He felt like the worst sort of coward leaving Devony in the guestroom with a head ful of doubts and a heart ful of hurt.

  The excuse that he was expected in a meeting with Sterling Chase was the truth, but it tasted as awful as a lie as he closed the guestroom door behind him and headed through the mansion on his way to the operations area of the command center. She hadn’t pressed him to explain his

  abrupt withdrawal after she had drunk from him.

  That’s how he knew he had wounded her deeply. The woman he’d first met only days ago would have confronted him head-on. She wouldn’t have

  hesitated to lock horns and fearlessly demand he explain himself.

  Tonight, she had retreated without a word of argument. Because she’d been afraid of what he might say.

  She didn’t have to tel him that; he felt her dread through their bond.

  Dread he had caused by holding duty above his own heart.

  Worse, by holding duty above hers.

  Rafe stalked down the long hal way of the sprawling mansion’s residential wing, his steps slowing on their own as he reached the chamber that

  had been his until the past few weeks.

  He didn’t know why he felt compel ed to go inside. It wouldn’t be his again until his mission was official y over. Maybe not even then, because he intended to end that mission tonight.

  He was stil committed to taking down Opus Nostrum. That would never change until he succeeded or took his last breath. But if the Order wanted him to fulfil that objective as one of them, he was going to tel Devony everything. With or without their blessing.

  And he was going to inform Chase and Lucan of that fact right now.

  He preferred not to do it wearing clothes that were stained with blood and death. After his bath with Devony, it had seemed almost sacrilege to put them on again, so he was glad to find his closet stil stocked with street attire and combat gear just as he’d left it.

  He changed into basic jeans and a black T-shirt, then laced up a pair of black leather boots. As he tied the last knot and stood up to leave, he found Tavia Chase standing in the open doorway.

  “You kept my quarters for me.”

  His commander’s mate smiled. “Of course, I did. I expected you’d be back eventual y. Now, I’m not so sure.”

  Tavia had been aware from the beginning that his exile was al part of the operation. But she wasn’t talking about him returning from his mission.

  She meant ever.

  And he couldn’t seem to tel her any different.

  “Devony is a special young woman,” she said. “I can see that right away. I can see why you love her.”

  Rafe scowled, but he couldn’t deny it. Tavia was too astute to believe otherwise. He’d grown up in the Order from the time he was an infant. The elder warriors and their mates were his family, his fel ow comrades were closer than any brother could be.

  As for Tavia, she was a respected tactician and valued member of the Order’s team, much like the rest of the warriors’ mates. Right now, what

  Rafe needed was a confidante.

  “I drank from her tonight. I was injured, and she helped me.” He lowered his head and swore under his breath. Because taking her blood in a

  moment of weakness would be selfish enough, but then he’d gone and made it worse. “A little while ago, I let her drink from me. We’re blood-

  bonded, Tavia.”

  “Congratulations.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “No, I did it al wrong. I fucked this up. We’re together because of a lie. Because I was on a mission and she was an

  asset I needed to win over. Then I discovered her secrets and I exploited them. I made her think she could trust me.”

  “Are you saying she can’t?”

  “No, that’s not it. I’d do anything for her. I’d give my life for hers.”

  Tavia’s gentle gaze held him. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.”

  “After what happened in Montreal, I told myself never again. I was never going to trust myself to believe what I was feeling because it might not be real. I never wanted to be blinded like that again.”

  “You were tricked, Rafe.” Tavia shook her head. “That Opus spy could’ve chosen anyone. And from what I saw of Devony tonight, I don’t think she could possibly be more different.”

  “I know that. It’s not Devony I doubt.”

  “Then what?”

  “It’s this.” He held his fist to his sternum, where it felt as if a hole were opening up.

  It had only worsened after he al owed Devony to drink from his vein while she stil had faith in him. Was this helpless feeling love?

  “I must be crazy, right? I must be fucking nuts to feel like this about Devony when I’ve only known her for a handful of days.”

  Tavia smiled. “You’l have to ask someone other than me. In fact, you’l have to look further than this city. I don’t think there’s anyone under this roof, or any other Order command center around the world—including your parents—who needed more time than you and Devony have had to know in

  their hearts they’d met their mate.”

  As much as he wanted to take some solace in that, what it meant was he had a lot of explaining to do. And a lot of making up.

  He only hoped Devony would give him that chance.

  First, he needed to inform his commander and Lucan that starting now, they were going to have to trust her as he did.

  On his way out the door, Tavia reached out and gave his beard-grizzled cheek a reassuring caress. “I know Sterling isn’t happy with you right now, but I can’t thank you enough for looking after my niece. For loving her. The rest wil fal into place as it should, you’l see.”

  He wasn’t so sure about that, but he nodded. She accompanied him as he continued to the command center’s war room.

  He’d been expecting the meeting to be between Chase and him in Boston, with Lucan and Gideon on video from headquarters in D.C. That was

  th
e case, but in addition, al but two seats at the large conference table were fil ed. Tavia walked in and took the one immediately beside the commander.

  Elijah and Jax sat with Nathan and Jordana on one side of Chase, the lone vacant chair situated between the commander and Rafe’s captain. On

  the other side of the table from Chase was the team commander from London, Mathias Rowan. He hadn’t brought his pregnant mate, Nova, but

  her brother, Rune, was seated beside his blood-bonded mate, Carys Chase.

  And displayed on the large panel screens around the war room were al of the photographs, notes, and data files Rafe had col ected while he was at Devony’s brownstone a few nights ago.

  Considering the originals were now nothing but cinders among the rubble of her home, he probably should be grateful to see the information now.

  Instead the guilt he’d felt upon leaving Devony in the guestroom a few minutes ago only settled more coldly in his gut.

  Every bit of intel she had shared with him in confidence felt like a betrayal to see it here now.

  Sick with the feeling, he hardly noticed al of the conversations had halted now that he had arrived. Expectant, unreadable gazes watched him

  from al points of the room.

  Chase indicated the empty chair. “Come in and have a seat, Rafe.”

  He walked in, the silence around him feeling as heavy as a shroud.

  As he sat down, Nathan gave him a sober, sidelong glance. Right before a rare smirk twisted his stern mouth. “You asshole. Do you have any

  idea how close I came to kil ing you the other night?”

  Rafe exhaled and looked at his commander for confirmation.

  “I’ve told them,” Chase said.

  The war room erupted with a few chuckles and a lot of bal -busting. Rafe took it al , glad for every insult and good-natured jab they flung at him. The weight of the past few weeks—the months fol owing his disgrace in Montreal—melted away in the space of a few seconds.

  Jax and Eli got up from their seats at the table and walked up to him, both grinning and shaking their heads.

  Eli punched him in the shoulder. “It’s a damn relief to know you’re not the fucked up maniac I thought you were.”

  “Don’t be so sure about that,” Rafe quipped, smiling at his teammate.

  Jax held his hand out to him. “Welcome back, bro. Even if I stil want to kick your ass right now.”

  Rafe cocked a grin. “I’d like to see you try.”

  Carys and Rune came over now too. The stern former cage fighter who was her mate gave Rafe’s hand a hard pump. “Not a day’s gone by that

  she hasn’t worried about you.”

  He glanced at Carys, who’d been like a sister to him his entire life. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t say anything to anyone.”

  “I don’t care,” she said, throwing her arms around him. “You’re back where you belong now, and that’s al that matters to me.”

  Mathias Rowan approached as wel . The London commander had been a part of the Order’s inner circle for two decades, a stoic al y through

  numerous battles and catastrophes. Now, there was a sober, almost parental look in his gaze. No doubt, the father-to-be was thinking about his

  own son on the way, one who might eventual y wish to fol ow in his footsteps as a warrior for the Order.

  Mathias gripped Rafe’s shoulder. “Chase told me what happened in that warehouse earlier tonight. The liquid UV.” He shook his head on a low

  curse. “It’s damn good to see you standing here with us tonight, Rafe.”

  He wouldn’t be, if not for Devony.

  He didn’t have to tel Mathias that. Since Chase had told his good friend about Rafe’s injuries, he would have also explained to the London

  commander that it was Breed blood that had saved him.

  Devony’s blood.

  Her bond.

  He wanted to tel everyone in the room what she meant to him, but the din of competing conversations was stil ed by the buzzing of Chase’s comm unit. He answered the cal , frowning as he received the report.

  “That was Aric and his team,” he announced after setting the phone down on the table. He glanced at Rafe. “The warehouse at Conley Terminal

  had been cleaned out by the time our team arrived. No dead bodies. No crates of liquid UV. No trace of the spil , either.”

  “Opus moved quickly. They knew we’d come looking to grab the rest of that cargo.”

  Chase nodded. “I cal ed the team back in. They’l be here within the hour.”

  “Any idea who owns the warehouse?” Mathias asked.

  “Yeah,” Gideon said via the video feed. “About five layers of shel corporations. I’ve been hacking my way through them for the past hour.”

  “One of the guys in Cruz’s gang told me the shit we were stealing belonged to some kind of arms dealer,” Rafe said. “And Cruz mentioned the

  cargo was arriving from overseas.”

  “Great. That helps.” Gideon’s reply was punctuated by the clacking of his keyboard on the other end. “Shouldn’t take me long to find the bastard.”

  “We need that lead,” Lucan said, his grim face fil ing another of the monitors that were linked in to the war room. “With Judah LaSal e dead, that dealer may be our next best lead. Anyone holding on to liquid UV is either in bed with Opus Nostrum or on their bad side. I don’t give a shit which camp this son of a bitch is in. I just want him in our hands—yesterday.”

  “I’l put a team on it as soon as we have your go,” Chase said.

  Lucan nodded, glancing at Rafe. “Excel ent work on al of this. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, living like this these past weeks. Or more

  recently.”

  “No, sir.” Rafe cleared his throat. “Ah . . . about that.”

  When he came down here with the intent to explain to his commander and the Order’s leader what Devony meant to him, he hadn’t expected an

  audience of his whole damn team and then some. But the words needed to be said and he couldn’t wait another moment to put them out there.

  He’d screwed things up with her, not only tonight, but from the beginning. He only hoped he would have the chance to make them right.

  “It’s about Devony,” he said. “I’ve made a terrible mistake with her—”

  He felt her presence through their blood bond . . . even before he heard her sharp intake of breath just outside the room.

  He turned around and there she was.

  Al the breath left his lungs on a curse.

  She stared at him, but only for a second. Her wounded gaze flicked to the other members of the Order gathered around the room alongside him.

  His friends, obviously. Teammates he had never truly lost.

  Then she glanced over at the screens that contained al the information she had opened up to him in the privacy of her Darkhaven. Al of father’s meticulous notes and theories. Her months of work in her quest to avenge her slain family.

  Al of the secrets she had shared with Rafe in the moments before he took her virginity on the floor of her father’s study.

  Christ.

  He felt her stunned confusion like a blow to his chest. Her sharp feeling of betrayal pierced him.

  “Devony.”

  She mutely backed away.

  “Devony, wait.”

  She took a step into the corridor.

  Then, in a flash of movement, she was gone.

  CHAPTER 23

  She was an idiot.

  He told her he was dangerous. He told her she was in over her head. That they wouldn’t be friends or anything else.

  She hadn’t believed him.

  She stil didn’t want to believe it, and yet she had just seen the evidence of his duplicity with her own eyes. She felt it. His guilt seeped into her through their blood bond, feeling as thick and black as oil.

  He had betrayed her.

  Lied to her.

  Used her.

  A choked sob
caught in her throat as she moved through the Order’s mansion as a flash of motion. She hurried back into the lovely guestroom

  Tavia Chase had provided for her, feeling on the verge of a hideous emotional breakdown.

  She couldn’t let herself fal apart. Not here. Not when Rafe and the rest of his comrades were likely down in the command center’s meeting room roaring with laughter over her naïveté. Her blind stupidity.

  Her foolishness over al owing herself to fal in love with him. To bind herself to him in blood.

  Oh, God.

  She needed to get out of there.

  She slammed the door behind her and held it shut with her mind as she hastily changed out of Carys’s borrowed clothing and back into the grime-

  caked black turtleneck and jeans she had arrived in. She didn’t want anything she had been offered here. Not the comfort or the clothing, not the kindness, either. Not if it had never been real.

  She especial y didn’t want a damn thing from Rafe.

  “Devony.” He stood on the other side of the closed door.

  She heard him try the latch, heard him swear when he couldn’t break through the mental hold she had on the lock.

  She just wanted to get away from him.

  “Leave me alone.”

  “I can’t do that.” He tried the lock again. Another vivid curse. “Damn it, Devony. I need to see you. I need to talk to you, and not through this door.”

  She didn’t answer. Mostly because she didn’t trust her voice. She could feel the sincerity of his plea. He was hurting too. He felt as terrible as she did. Maybe more, although how that could even be possible she didn’t know.

  Good. Let him hurt too.

  “Go away, Rafe. Go back to your friends. I’m leav—”

  The thick wood panel burst off its hinges, exploding inward. Rafe stood in the ruined doorway, a look of pure anguish on his handsome face.

  “Devony, I’m sorry.”

  “For which part? Pretending we were some kind of team when you were stil part of the Order? Stealing weeks of my work and my father’s, and